Featured Image: La Tahitienne – Paul Gauguin
I am born to be a writer. Damn anyone who does not respect my Brilliance. I do not care about them. If they do not hire me, someone else will. If they do not hire me, I will build my own platform of success. I am capable of blowing Minds with my profound perspective. I know that because I have seen people’s entire attitude change after I am finished with them — conversation. This vision constitutes expanding my impact to a broader audience.
Most fundamentally, I have to write and read like I need food, water, and shelter. Writing is all of the above. I cannot lose that humble intention in the shark-infested waters of capitalism. Certainly, everyone has a role to play at their best and writing must be my role because of this combination of passion and talent. But, industry is no replacement for life.
Before I ever thought about pitching articles to magazines for money, I was concerned with figuring out what I love to do more than anything. In college, I dabbled in Blog writing on Quora and other websites. That was the best I could do due to the complications of being a full-time caregiver for my terminally ill mother.
As a Blog writer, I gained useful advice and feedback that translates to professional experience. Some of that feedback from a genius MIT graduate unlocked insight about my writing and reading to impress people to get their admiration. In other words, I was a pretentious nerd. After that intervention, I listened to his advice and released all of my articles out as a private moniker. I sent my next steps as a writer focusing on what I love to do more than anything; to live life to the fullest rather than to be smart in the eyes of the Other.
I took the advice of my Elder and decided to take a break from Online publishing. Thus, growing up before I wrote anything to be proud of. I had to learn to love myself instead of shape-and-morphing my Self-portrait for others’ approval. Of course, some people are not respectable, and respectable people do not need to care about opinions rooted in ignorance. I had to learn to be a respectable person and not let others dictate knowledge for me. I would dictate my own worth from now on.
People should impress others with the legit quality of their character. My priority became the action that I love to do more than anything. I asked myself “What will bring me the most Joy?” Whatever correct answer I had was what I did then and there. I questioned why I read so many books. Was it because I loved words or was all I wanted do was show off my intellect? As the case typically is the answer is a mix of both, but I wanted to accomplish things out of genuine care not just appearance.
I experimented with many mediums to test my dedication to my vocation. I played Video games, watched YouTube, ran 15 miles a day, and, of course, read and wrote for 10+ hours a day. While under the supervision of MIT-caliber wisdom, I did not rush to publish bullshit. I laid down this Foundation of authentic purpose first.
Even though I found out what I love to do more than anything, I am dealing with a new problem. Curing pretense is a noble feat, but survival is a necessity as long as we continue to steam down the tracks. Naturally, someone can only be great at something if they love to do it. They have to be dedicated enough to live in and out of it every day and never give up. Naturally, the subject someone Masters best serves the world.
That is all sensible, but if I want to pay bills with authorship, Publishers and editors have to admire my work. Now my career path feels circular. The do-what-I-want experiment implies wisdom, but our power as humans is evinced by our social Conformity. We need to fit in and be valuable to others to survive. Although that is true it can cause feelings of insecurity and fear. What should the painter do when their Self-portrait is their esteem?
Photo Source: Ben Quilty “Self Portrait, the executioner”
I want to write, and I know it is the job that provides the greatest positive world-building. However, I should rely on others’ validation to survive to a reasonable extent. I am afraid these people I am security required to buy bread for are not fair. I’m afraid these people will not understand my value and shut me down because of their own egos.
Perhaps I am paranoid. I am scared because I have dealt with unreasonable people since childhood. My father abandoned me for God’s sake! No wonder I have such paralyzing attachment uncertainty. People have told me the Arts are too competitive to win, but what if someone has what it takes?
Now, I am dealing with a new kind of stress. Now, I have outgrown my adolescent hubris and solved my arrogance, but I have to learn to trust the right people to build the stability and balance I crave with my composition. I cannot parse who is at fault for this problem. Both are true: I am paranoid, and these people I want to work with could be narcissistic and unwilling to take a chance on Talent who is only lacking the professional experience he needs to flourish. Whatever, I should never stop improving my craft. That will command confidence in achievement.
Of course, time will tell. No one can trust anyone until both parties prove their sympathies for each other. In the meantime, I can heal paranoia and cultivate openness to all possibilities. Forgiveness, compassion, and empathy will help calm my fears. Just because someone is in a position of power does not mean their opinion should dictate my worth.
Indeed, I am eager to have a beneficial impact with my work. I am willing to go above and beyond to prove I am worthy and reliable to the people who have the resources to make that dream a reality. However, no matter how qualified I am, no amount of defensiveness will serve me well in this Mission. Just because I have managed many rude people around my peaceful life Zen Center, such as my father, does not mean everyone is a ravenous snake choking on their own toxic venom. My family structure has sabotaged my empathy and trustingness. The solution to this insecurity is to master the art of Self-love.
I should know, no matter what anyone else says or does I am a worthy person who is capable of great things. The brutal reality is one might not always get the job they are suited-up-to-date for even when they know they could reasonably earn such a position. An insane world that has no room for work one can instill the power of ecstatic eudaimonia into its decision-making does not denote the value they could provide. It notifies the quality of the world’s character. In that case, the hero deserves more pride than evil in their accomplishments.
I know I am a reasonable person. I should trust the right people will understand my worth, too.
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